El Arrepentimiento/Repentance

En 2007, me quedé embarazada. No estuve casada con el papá de mi hijo y mi divorcio con mi ex-marido no fue finalizado aunque me había separado de mi marido por 4 años. Ay yay!! Mi vida era como una telenovela! Podrías imaginar cómo me sentía…humiliada y con temor. Me sentí humiliada no por el pecado sino por el hecho que todo el mundo (especialmente mi iglesia) me pilló. Es imposible esconder un embarazo. Quiero enfatizar que separarse de un/a esposo/a no signfica que ya se divorció del esposo/a. El pacto del matrimonio no está incumplido. Estás todavía casado/a. Si estás en una relación íntima con una persona que no es tu esposo/a, es adulterio. No hay ni justificación ni excusa. (Hebreos 13:4)

Tuve que confesar delante de los líderes y miembros de la iglesia. Fue tan difícil que no pude terminar a leer mi confesión. Yo lloraba y quise arrastrarme por debajo de una piedra y desparecer para siempre. Yo les pedí el perdon a mi iglesia y a mi Dios por lo que había hecho. Yo renuncié a mi posición como pianista de La Roca Eterna y empecé un largo proceso de disciplina espiritual. Supe que era necesario pero me molestaba mucho porque creí que yo había cometido un solo pequeñito error y que no era una mala persona. No quise participar en “la propaganda de los malos pecadores” de mi congregación. ¡Caramba! Que mala actitud. Yo no me daba cuenta que mis pastores, en su amor y su deseo para la santidad de Dios para la iglesia, me disciplinaba correctamente y biblicamente. Tuve un corazón duro, estuve cegada de arrogancia y orgullo. Estaba a la defensiva todo el tiempo y no quise acercarme de nadie, especialmente de otros cristianos. Me sentí condenada en cada momento. Cuando un miembro de mi iglesia me saludaba, yo le hablaba por mis dientes y huía de la iglesia como si estuviera en llamas. Creí que todo el mundo me juzgaba y se entrometía en mi vida. En retrospectiva, esas personas solo quisieron saludarme. Me di cuenta que mi actitud defensiva reveló mi orgullo y mi cariño por mi pecado impenitente. No quise acercarme de verdaderos cristianos porque la presencia de ellos me recordaba de la santidad de Dios. La luz de Dios siempre alumbraba mi oscuridad.

Después de mi divorcio y el nacimiento de mi hijo hermoso, viví con el papa de mi hijo. Yo seguí pecando mientras asistiendo a la iglesia! Esto es un indício de un corazon impenitente porque no me aparté de mis pecados. El perdón no significa “¡Ay! Me pillaron. Lo siento” y no hay cambio. Hay que apartarse del pecado.

Por dos años, el liderazgo de mi iglesia me puso en un proceso exigente del arrepentimiento, restauración y restitución. El Espíritu Santo trabajó fuerte en mí. Empecé a estudiar la Palabra de Dios como nunca, asistir a los estudios biblicos, y orar frecuentamente. El Espíritu me renovaba y me acercaba a mi Dios. Yo perdoné a los que me lastimaron y pedí el perdon a los que yo lastimé. No viví más con mi novio. Yo puse fin a llamarlo “mi marido” porque era mentira. Yo lo llamaba “mi marido” para justificar mi pecado. Me dije que yo iba a casarme con él. ¡Que mentira! Es en contra de la Palabra de Dios. Es un pecado. Finalmente, tuve que terminar la relación con mi novio. Fue muy difícil porque yo lo había querido pero no era cristiano (todavía no es) y había rechazado la divinidad de Cristo. Yo estaba desconsolada y me sentí más sola que antes porque iba a ser madre soltera de dos niños.

El proceso del arrepentimieto y restauración requiere el rechazo del yo, una limpieza, el deseo de morir para que Cristo viva. Mi transformación fue de la humillación-enojo-rencor a la humildad-arrepentimiento-restauración-restitución para que pueda servir a mi Señor. Valió la pena y nunca quiero volver atrás.

Hoy, regreso a servir en el ministerio de música  y también estoy participando en nuevos ministerios. Antes, quise participar en los ministerios que me gustaron. Me da mucha alegría servir a Dios porque es para su gloria y no la mía.

Yo doy gracias a mi pastores y amigos de La Roca Eterna. Los quiero mucho. Gracias por su paciencia, amor y bondad que me ayudaron durante mis momentos difíciles.

Gracias a mi Señor y Salvador por restaurarme y poner La Roca Eterna en mi vida. Gracias Señor por mis hijos.

In 2007, I found out that I was pregnant. I wasn’t married to the father of my son and my divorce wasn’t finalized with my ex-husband, with whom I had been separated for close to 4 years at the time. My goodness! It was like a soap opera. You could probably imagine how I was feeling…embarrassed and afraid. I was embarrassed not because I had sinned (I did feel bad about it) but because I got caught.  I want to emphasize that being separated from your spouse does not mean you are divorced. You are still bound by the covenant of marriage, and whatever romantic relationship you are involved in with another person, who is not your spouse, is adultery. There is no justification or excuse, no matter how you feel. (Hebrews 13:4).

I had to confess my sins before the leaders and the members of my church. It was so hard that I couldn’t even read my written confession. I was crying and I wanted to crawl under a rock and disappear. I asked for forgiveness from my church and from God for what I had done. and I had to step down as pianist of the church and go into a process of spiritual discipline. I knew I had to step down but I harboured resentment and anger because I felt that deep down I had made one mistake but overall I wasn’t a bad person. I didn’t need to be their poster child of bad behaviour in the congregation.  Wow! Quite an attitude, eh? Little did I know then that my leaders, in their love and in their pursuit of God’s holiness for His people, were doing the right thing. My heart was hard, my arrogance and pride blinded me. I was so defensive and didn’t want to be around anybody, especially other Christians. I felt that they were judging me at every moment. If people from my church came up to me to say hello, I would mutter hello and run off because I had figured they were prying into my life and were judging me. The truth was that they really only wanted to say hello. I realized that my defensiveness only revealed my pride and continual attachment to the sin I had supposedly confessed. I didn’t want to be around true Christians because their presence reminded me of God’s holiness and His light constantly revealed my darkness.

After my divorce and the birth of my beautiful boy, I lived with the father of my child. My sin continued even while I was attending church! This is a sign of an unrepentant heart because I did not turn away from my sins.  Forgiveness is not just saying ‘oops, you caught me and I’m sorry’ and I go back to my old ways. You have to turn away from it completely.

For 2 years, my church had me go through the tough process of repentance, restoration and restitution. The Holy Spirit worked wondrously through me. I began to study the Word like never before, attending Bible studies, praying more often, getting convicted by the Spirit as I grew closer to God. I began to forgive those who hurt me and asked for forgiveness from those I unjustly blamed or hurt. I stopped living with my boyfriend. I stopped calling him my husband because it was a lie. I had called him my husband because I didn’t want my sin to seem so bad. I justified it because we were supposed to get married anyway. That is wrong and that is not according to God’s Word. Eventually I had to end our relationship. It was a difficult process because I had still loved him but he was not a Christian and boldly rejected Christ. It broke my heart and I felt even more alone because I was a single mother again but of 2 boys now.

The repentance/restoration process requires a letting go of your self, a cleansing, a dying to the self. I went from humiliation to anger to resentment to humility to repentance to restoration to serving my Saviour. It has been worth it and I don’t want to go back to where I was.

I am back fulfilling not only the ministry I enjoy doing at my church but participating in other ministries that I had never considered before (Previously I had only wanted to do what I liked and what I was good at). It gives me such joy in getting involved because I am doing it for the Lord and for His glory not mine.

Thank you to my wonderful pastors and friends of La Roca Eterna. I love you very much.  Thank you for your patience, love and selflessness during my difficult time.

Thank you to my Lord and Saviour for restoring me and bringing the people of La Roca Eterna in my life and thank you, Lord, for my sons.

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